Will Your Relationship Survive?

I think the pandemic exacerbated existing problems within our relationship by forcing us to live together in what I’ve described as a ‘pressure cooker.’  https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/26/parenting/breakups-divorces-relationships-coronavirus.html

We’ve all seen it; divorce rates spiked during the COVID-19 pandemic.  While a second wave continues to threaten us, we’re likely to see another influx of divorces again.  Can couples who narrowly missed separating or divorcing during the first go-around escape again?  Maybe.  Should they?  Maybe not.   

My husband and I decided to undertake several home improvements over the summer.  What else were we to do, really, when the myriad of social and gathering activities were now off the table?  We were spending most of our time at home and, because of that, weren’t as easily able to ignore projects that had been put on the back burner for so long.  We couldn’t ignore them because we were staring at them.  Every.  Single.  Day. 

It’s easier to ignore a problem when you can literally shut your eyes to the problem itself.  Busy parents co-existing with children, while balancing careers and financial demands, oftentimes passing like two ships at night.  Routines become predictable.  Work.  Dinner.  Playtime/homework/bath time/stories.  Maybe finally fold and put away laundry that is resembling Mt. Everest.  A scroll through your iPhone or a show from your favorite streaming series.  Rinse and Repeat. 

But these days, routines are less predictable.  Kids are attending school via remote learning from home or in some hybrid schedule.  Playdates are less frequent.  Birthday parties have morphed into drive-by-car-parades.  We are isolating more within the confines of our home and, even when outdoors, usually stay within our family units or at least limit our contact to close friends.  What does this mean for relationships?  Well, we are together more.  We have to communicate more. We need to make collective decisions more.  Tweaks in once mundane schedules are needed and adjustments are expected.  It’s impossible to ignore the home improvements that need to be made when you’re forced to actually look at them, and even more challenging to coexist with a spouse or partner when a relationship is crumbling at the foundation and you can’t just avoid each other anymore.

I’m not here to say that every marriage during every hardship is doomed for divorce.  What I am saying is that you might need to prepare yourself that evaluating your current situation is inevitable because monotonous, daily routines have been turned on their heads, shaken up, and poured out haphazardly like a game of pick-up-sticks.  You’ll need to pick up the pieces before you trip over them. Plus, everyone deserves to have stability and happiness in whatever way makes sense to you.  And if you decide that you’re in a position where you’d be happier being single, then I’m going to hold your hand and get you there.