Staying Friends With Your Ex After a Divorce
Once you go through a divorce, it can be hard to figure out where things stand with your former spouse. Your spouse used to be your partner and best friend for however many years, and while things have certainly changed, you may be wondering what kind of place they have in your life now.
If you and your former spouse are going to be co-parenting, then you have many years of contact in front of you. Meeting up with your former spouse and communicating with them will be easier for you, your spouse, and your children if you can maintain a healthy friendship after the divorce.
However, it is important to keep in mind that there are a number of situations that may indicate whether it is in one’s best interest to maintain a relationship with one’s former spouse. If you were a victim of any kind of emotional or physical abuse, or if you just don’t feel like you are in a place to grow a friendship with your former spouse, listen to the way you feel.
If you do think that it would be possible, and healthy, for you to foster a friendship with your former spouse, then this article is for you. Of course, this is easier said than done. Don’t try to rush into a friendship after your divorce, and allow yourself however much time you need to process your divorce and all the emotions that came with this process. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings of going through a break-up, and to eventually find closure in divorcing your spouse.
When you do feel ready to begin friendly contact with your spouse, make sure you don’t “jump off the deep end.” It can feel comfortable and normal even to step back into old habits and maintain a sense of intimacy with your former partner, but you should try to think of your post-divorce friendship as a friendship you are developing from scratch, with different boundaries and levels of intimacy.
Speaking of boundaries-- the beginning of your new friendship with your former spouse is a perfect start to lay out some boundaries for your new relationship.
While every situation is unique, here are some boundaries you might find helpful for you and your former spouse:
No calling each other pet names.
Do not ask each other about their dating life.
No coming over unannounced.
Do not enter a sexual relationship.
These are just the basics, and as I said before, every relationship is different.
Now, let’s think about some DO’s that help foster a healthy friendship, such as:
Texting each other every so often just to catch up.
Hanging out together in casual settings.
Planning days to hang out with your children.
Confide in each other when needed and support each other.
Remaining friends with your former spouse is not an impossible task-- In fact, it helps to think of it as restarting a friendship with a friend you lost contact with years ago. Having an amicable relationship with your former spouse will improve the emotional well-being of both parties, and will make a momentous event like a divorce a lot easier to handle.
You got this!
Source: https://www.womansdivorce.com/friends-after-a-divorce.html
